From the Desk of Hugh MacMillan

Pornography and Men

Men's use of pornography goes a long way back.  From Playboy to peep shows to dirty movies at sleezy theatres, men have always found a way to be amused and aroused by illicit sex.  In the past, access to pornography might have been a risky act of bravery in sneaking into an obscure corner store to purchase a cellophane wrapped magazine, but now it's as easy as clicking a computer mouse.  As a result, the porn industry has grown at an unprecedented rate, feeding the imaginations of millions of men (and women) worldwide, instantly.  Use of computer pornography is pervasive, across all ages and sectors.  Some men come to counselling specifically for this reason, because they have become addicted to viewing hundreds of pornographic images per day.

Is there anything wrong with that? 

Back in the early 90's many men loosely or formally joined "the men's movement", organizing and gathering to better understand ourselves as men and to preach and practice gender equality.  These men chose to reject pornography that exploits women on the basis that it objectifies women and promotes sexism and abuse.  While these arguments were and continue to be valid, they seem to fall on deaf ears.  Now men use pornography more than ever. 

The men who seek help to overcome their computer porn addiction generally know that pornography is harmful to women, yet they seek to understand how use of this material is harmful to them.  The motivation to change their habits relates to reducing harm to themselves.  Here is what we have learned from porn addicts.

The vast majority of models are teenagers.  We have declared the lean adolescent female body as the ideal object of our desires.  Pornography is only one step away from highway billboards and music videos after all, so we tend to normalize these images, and believe on some level that there exists the possibility of having sex with these models.  The models on the computer screen beg for sex, which is often depicted as rather violent sex, and of course, men of all ages are in high demand in this virtual world.  How can the partner of a middle-aged man compete with that?  How can the man who has saturated himself with images that promote "getting off", find love, even eroticism, with his lifelong partner?  Sex becomes penis-centred, and relationships suffer.  Hours of empty lustful desire in front of a computer screen replace sleep and communication with one's partner.  The joyful journey of deepening a sexual relationship with one's partner is thwarted.  The risk of discovery causes guilt and esteem issues.  And as men we do not tend to discuss these matters with one other. 

Is there anything wrong with computer porn?  Most users know the consequences, but like any harmful addiction, it can be very difficult to overcome.  It is helpful to talk about it.

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