From the Desk of Hugh MacMillan

Self-help Schlock

We often get asked for recommended reading.  There are some wonderful useful self-help books out there, but you will be wading knee deep through a pile of junk to find them.  Self-help books are generally found under the headings of Psychology, Relationships, Parenting, Lifestyle or plain old "Self Help", in the library or bookstore.  The problem is that most of these books really ought to be pamphlets because they promote a concept that is simplistic and one dimensional.  In other words, you get the idea after reading the introduction and chapter one, while the rest of it is filler, chock full of endless testimonials and case examples.  The cover and the title are usually catchy, meant to appeal to certain issues the browser can identify with.  The catchiest of titles in recent years is: Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, which by the way, makes for interesting reading and insight but has questionable value in effecting change in a relationship, if that is what the reader is seeking.

So what makes for good reading and what is actually useful?  I would like to say ask a counsellor!  However, if you are browsing for some literary input on how to make changes for yourself, here are some tips.

Set aside any books that announce cures, easy recoveries, or "the x number of steps to happiness".  Making any lifestyle or internal change is rarely simplistic and books that are prescriptive are usually based on the author's personal experience.  It's like the guy who fixes his own furnace who then advertises himself as a furnace repair expert.  Check out the author on the jacket cover.  Does this person have suitable credentials?  Does he or she actually help others in a professional role?  Watch out for books that are full of lengthy case examples and reprinted dialogues.  Books that rely on case examples are not always applicable to the reader's situation.  The same goes for books full of exercises.  If homework isn't your thing, give them a pass too.  If you like doing exercises, check to see where they lead.  Ask yourself what you are really looking for.  Something both you and your partner would read?  Something to make you feel good?  Insight? Enlightenment? Strategies? 

What is good out there?  For relationships there are two popular authors that have several useful tomes on the shelves, both based in lots of expereince and research:  Harville Hendrix and John Gottman.  There are definitely simpler texts to absorb (e.g. Dr. Phil) but these mentioned are much more useful for making lasting changes. For depression and anxiety, check out anything by David Burns.  He has effectively made cognitive-behavioural therapy a do-it-yourself process.  Both R. Reid Wilson and Jeffrey Schwartz have written excellent books on anxiety.  Martha Davis has produced some clearly written manuals on stress reduction and relaxation.  Look up Pema Chodron in the Buddhism section for useful meditative practices (e.g. The Places That Scare You).  For improving your (heterosexual) sex life, check out David Devlin's The Good Sex Guide.  And finally, for middle age men seeking the meaning of life, look for What I Meant To Say, an offering of very insightful and humourous essays by and for men, edited by Ian Brown.  Good books on parenting, self-esteem and grief are too numerous to mention, but again, take your time in reviewing and choosing.  Please feel free to contact us for further recommended readings.

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