From the Desk of Hugh MacMillan

Re-membering Conversations

When people find themselves in crisis or facing serious personal issues, they often experience isolation and disconnection from others.  People tell us that they don't want to burden their friends, or they don't want to feel judged by their family, and so on.

In narrative work it is sometimes useful to think of our life as a club with members.  Our friends, family members, co-workers, and acquaintances can all be considered club members.  Some we invited in, some we had little choice in including, and some we may have no idea how they got in the club.  Re-membering is a term to describe the process of deliberately choosing whom we welcome as members of our club and whose memberships we wish to revise or revoke.  The re-membering conversation is the dialogue we engage in with the therapist, describing the membership of one's club and its current and preferred charter.  The term was first used by anthrolpologist Barbara Myerhoff about 25 years ago, but has since become popular in narrative therapy.

When we begin to explore the unique outcomes and preferred alternative stories of our lives, we become curious to discover as much as possible about the history and meaning of these events.  We discover the personal qualities, preferences, beliefs, skills and knowledge tied to these preferred stories in our lives.  Then we could ask: Who else knows about this?  Perhaps a teacher from high school, or a cousin from one summer long ago...people who were witness to the event or story of our lives that was unique and when the alternative to our 'presenting problem' was possible.  These people may hold memories of events in our lives when we displayed certain skills or traits.  They may provide the link to other past events that can be richly described.  These witnesses can be invited into the club.  Thus begins the process of re-membering the club rolls.  Some people can be elevated to lifetime status.  These new members can actually be consulted.  Sometimes we invite them into the therapy room...even when the last contact might have been decades earlier!  It is amazing how willing people can be, to reconnect and be consulted, when they discover how they brought rich meaning to someone else's life.

Other members that have been in our life club for years may require demotion, or even expulsion.  No, they do not necessarily need to be confronted, but their negative influence may need to be minimized over time and using the club metaphor often makes this process much easier.

When we conduct re-membering conversations in therapy, an historial alternative account of identity can be told and the significant memberships of our life can begin to be explored.  

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